©     A day without sunshine is like night.

©     On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 

©     42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

©     4. 99  percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

©     Remember, half the people you know are below average.

©     He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

©     Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

©     The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

©     Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

©     A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

©     Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

©     If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

©     How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

©     When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

©     Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

©     How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

©     Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

©     What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

©     Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

©     Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

©     Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

©     Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

©     Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your backside tomorrow.